Can Emotions Be Negative?

Which emotions are negative? Which ones are positive?

Most people would answer: Joy? Wonderful. Gratitude? Fabulous.

Anger, sadness, fear, disappointment? Those are negative. They’re problems. We should get rid of them as quickly as possible.

But are they negative? Or are they simply uncomfortable?

Because emotions can feel so extremely uncomfortable, we spend an incredible amount of energy trying not to feel.

We distract ourselves.
We overthink.
We overeat.
We stay busy.
We argue.

Anything, really, to avoid feeling that discomfort.

But emotions aren't positive or negative. They don't tell us whether we're good or bad people. They simply give us information about what's happening inside us in any given moment.

They simply give us information about what's going on for us in any given moment. Even when an emotion is painful, it often becomes a bigger problem when we label it as "bad" and immediately try to get rid of it.

Ironically, it's often our struggle against an emotion that creates the greatest suffering.

Think about the last time you felt anxious. Along with the anxiety, was there another voice?

"I shouldn't be feeling this."

"Why am I like this?"

"I need to calm down."

"What is wrong with me?"

When you judge yourself for having an emotion, you also become burdened with frustration, shame, self-criticism, and resistance.

The original feeling may have been uncomfortable. The fight against it makes it exhausting.

One of the biggest breakthroughs I see in my work happens when people stop trying to "fix" an emotion.

They stop believing the emotion needs fixing in the first place.

One simple practice I often recommend is this:

The next time an uncomfortable feeling shows up, pause for just a moment.

Notice it.

Give it a name.

See where you feel it in your body.

You don't have to like it. You don't have to make it disappear. You don't even have to understand it. Just acknowledge that it's there. Then, decide what you want to do next.

That tiny pause gives you an opportunity. Instead of reacting automatically, you can choose your response. Instead of pushing the emotion away, you can make room for it without letting it take over.

The emotion may or may not change immediately. But your relationship with it often does.

The goal isn't to become someone who never feels uncomfortable. The goal is to become someone who can safely experience uncomfortable feelings.

When we stop treating emotions as enemies, they lose much of their power over us. We may even discover that we can handle them after all.